Submitted by Jana from Pennsylvania. Go to The Meanest Mom blog to read more stories by Jana.
A few weeks ago, I called my health insurance company to discuss some questions I had related to my pregnancy. While I had them on the phone (I was also very bored), I decided to get pre-certified for some reconstructive surgery that I am planning to have done following my upcoming C-section.
“What specific procedures are you seeking authorization for?” asked the friendly man on the other end of the line.
“A breast lift and a tummy tuck,” I answered.
For some strange reason, the man laughed.
“Ma’am,” the man said after he pulled himself together, “Those procedures are excluded from insurance coverage because they are classified as ‘elective.’”
I had thought a lot about this subject and was prepared for this kind of ignorant response.
“Clearly you’ve never seen a woman’s body after she has had a baby,” I said. “Especially one who has given birth to multiples.” The image of Kate’s postpartum belly (the mother of twins and sextuplets on TLC’s reality series, John and Kate Plus 
was vivid in my mind. “If you had,” I continued, “Then you’d know that these procedures are medically necessary.”
After just a few minutes of talking to customer service rep, it became clear that my insurance company and I disagreed on the precise definition of “need.” What my insurance company fails to understand is that in requesting a postpartum tummy tuck and breast lift, I am not asking for a six-pack and a D-cup; all I want is for my body parts to be returned to their proper pre-pregnancy places.
While my insurance company doesn’t understand why I “need” a tummy tuck, I can’t understand why they think that my request for one is so ridiculous. The way that I see it, tacking a quick liposuction procedure onto the end of a C-section is no big deal. My stomach will be splayed open already; how hard is it to stick a little vacuum in there for a few seconds?
The customer service rep’s stubborn refusal to authorize the procedures forced me to go underground and seek out alternative (and illegal) ways to get the reconstructive surgery that all women rightfully deserve. Yesterday, during my OB office, I broached the subject with the attending physician. The doctor was a reasonable man, evidenced by the fact that he nodded in agreement when I told him how awful and inflexible my insurance company was being.
“So,” I said, “What do you think? Can you suck a little fat out of my belly following delivery?”
“If you slip me a twenty, I’ll think about it,” the good doctor said, while flipping through my chart.
“Really?” I asked, full of hope.
“No!”
LOL!!!! You got that right sister!