Submitted by Stephanie in Oregon (to read more from Stephanie, visit her site Casa de Kaloi.)
What I’m going to address today is something that I think a lot of women experience while they’re pregnant, but also something that a lot of people try to shame you for feeling if you talk about it. In short—dealing with the emotional and physical changes of pregnancy.
Before I really start, let me say that I am thrilled to be pregnant, and I have loved this baby since September 15, 2008—the day the test was positive. I am very lucky to have a husband who instinctively knows (or is doing some amazing reading) how to make me feel absolutely beautiful, even when I don’t. I knew before my body started changing that it was going to be an intense experience. However, I was fully unprepared for the enormous range of emotions I have experienced, and will probably continue to experience, about these changes. I’ve always had a problem with the idea that pregnant women have to pretend to be completely happy, positive, and upbeat one hundred percent of the time while they’re pregnant—no one is like that even when they aren’t pregnant, and when you throw in crazy hormones and bodies that are growing in odd ways, I don’t see how it’s emotionally possible to act like pregnancy is always the most beautiful experience of your life.
What I most take issue with is when you mention you don’t feel amazing, you don’t feel glowing, and you don’t feel beautiful, so many people jump all over your back and admonish you for simply being a human being. If a women is taking care of herself—eating healthily, exercising, drinking water, etc.—while pregnant, and isn’t doing anything to endanger the baby, why is it a bad thing for her to mention from time to time that she really doesn’t feel that great? Or maybe that she doesn’t completely love being pregnant? Why is it that if you’re pregnant you have to act like every single moment of your pregnancy is exploding with bliss and inner peace?
I know a lot of people don’t expect this, and a lot of people are becoming more aware of the fact that when a woman gets pregnant she doesn’t lose her sense of wanting to feel attractive, but there are still huge hurdles to cross. Personally, I have had numerous days spent crying because my body has grown, or my hair is drying out, or I can’t bike my usual bike ride without having to take breaks. I am a person who, prior to being pregnant, had tons of energy and was always active—yoga, biking, exercising, etc. The transition from being able to do anything I want, bend my body however I need to, and jump around with an abundance of energy to having to take things slowly, figure out ways to make my clothes stretch around this little person, and taking the time to take breaks has not been an easy one for me.
Despite this, I have had many beautiful moments. Many hours of inner peace have been attained, and I have felt beautiful during my pregnancy. I feel more connected to my body than I ever have before, and I am in awe of what it does on a daily basis. I’m not truly concerned about whether or not a stranger thinks I’m being a good pregnant woman because I smile and nod when they ask me how I feel. I suppose the issue I’m trying to write about (and I’m not sure I’ve done a good job!) is that pregnant women should be treated more delicately, true, but should also be treated like the human beings they still are, with all of the great heights and pitfalls that being human entails.
I completely agree! In fact, I’ve been doing my best to lay it all on the table–especially for my friends who are hoping to become pregnant soon. While I love the fact that I am pregnant, I do not always love what it entails. And I feel like there have been so many things that a) the books don’t really seem to cover very well, and b) other women seem to have forgotten to mention… I’m not sure if it stems more from women not wanting to sound like they’re complaining, or from them forgetting everything that was unpleasant as soon as that baby is born. For example, it would have been nice to know in advance that I might have blinding pain in my lower abomen anytime I sneeze while lying on my back. Sure, it probably doesn’t happen to everybody, but I can’t be the first. And since I won’t be the last, I’m putting it all (well, almost all) of it out there. I want to help break down the facade that pregnancy is nothing but bliss and joy 100% of the time–and to remind people that a pregnant woman is pregnant every second of every day from conception to delivery (not just when it’s convenient or after working an 8-hour day or on the weekends).
Brooke’s last blog post..Maybe it’s a Julian after all…