Submitted by Upstate NewYork (read more by visiting here)
On December 31 at one am I went to take a shower and I was bleeding. It was scary and I called the doctor’s office. I did not have a new doctor yet so I called the old one. I spoke with one of my doctor’s partners’ and he told me to go to the hospital. That it was possible I was having an ectopic pregnancy. So, I went to the emergency room and I got to see that little heartbeat. It was amazing, nothing more than a very fast beating light but it was there. She was there. Growing and developing and real. Now, I was really pregnant in my mind. Now I knew it was all true.
Then in early January I woke up one morning to more bleeding. Lots of bleeding, or so it seemed to me. I was hysterical. I cried and cried. I called Hubby at work. It was his second day at a new job and I would not let him leave. I called the doctor’s office to see if they could see me that day. The receptionist gets on the phone and we have this conversation.
Recep - Did you get the letter we sent you?
Me - Yes, it stated that you would see me until the 14th
Recep - No, we will only see you in a medical emergency. Not just because you are pregnant. If you were miscarrying we would see you.
Me - Well, actually, I think I may be. I woke up and I am bleeding a lot…
Recep - Can’t you go to the emergency room?
I hung up on her at that point. Well, actually I yelled a few nasty words and then I hung up on her. I called Hubby and he called a taxi for me. I had to call all the daycare parents and send the kids home. I had to tell everyone why they were coming to pick up their children. I was hysterical. I was barely coherent. They all came quickly and Big Brother and I got in the taxi and went to the emergency room.
I did not tell him why we were there. I did not really want that to be the way he learned about death. All I said was that there was something wrong with my stomach and that the people at the hospital were going to check it out. We spent a total of five hours in the hospital. I was trying so hard not to absolutely lose it. It was so hard. So much worse than the first time. This time I had already seen her heartbeat. This time she was real. This time if something had happened I would truly have lost a baby (as opposed to a positve pregnancy test). I was crying and I kept trying to distract Big Brother and myself. I tried to talk about things. I tried anything I could think of . It didn’t work all that well but we made it through.
In the end all was well. Hubby left work as soon as his kiddos went home (he’s a teacher) and came to get us. He missed getting to see Baby Sister’s heartbeat that day by minutes. I was so relieved by the time he got to us. We had just come from the ultra sound (which I miraculously saw and still kept from Big Brother - probably because at the time he had no idea what those things were). Baby Sister (who, of course, we did not know would be a sister then) was fine and the doctor was more hopeful than the guy at my dad’s hospital. It was still scary getting through the next several weeks. When I first got pregnant I thought I wanted to wait as long as possible to share it with anyone, but by the time the end of the first trimester came I wanted to tell everyone. Not out of excitement (of course I was excited) but because I felt like telling them was getting on top of my fear. It felt like not telling them was because I was still afraid something would happen to her. I needed to believe she was going to make it. So, we told people as soon as we left the doctor’s office on our 12 week appointment day. That was a much better day.
