Submitted by Jill from Modern Mommy Blog
OPP’S – Other People’s oPinion’s
As parent’s we are oftentimes inundated with other people’s opinions. These can sometimes make us feel either defensive or inadequate. Most of my parenting decisions have been very well thought out, researched, and discussed so when someone chimes in with their opposing opinion I don’t feel inadequate but I do tend to get defensive. I guess I get defensive because even though I think I am a good mom I want other people to think that I am a good mom too.
This week I have been thinking about how even in the 21st century Mom’s face a whole long list of “shoulds.”
-A mom should not spoil her baby
-A mom should teach her child good manners
-A mom should always cook nutritious meals
-A mom should take care of her child’s needs first
Many of these statements are passed down to us by our mothers, grandmothers, in-laws, sisters, and friends. The last statement is the trickiest for me. As a mom I do feel I should take care of my child’s needs quickly and attentively but there comes a time when you have to choose between your overall well being and your child’s immediate demands. If you are tired and your child is cranky, who do you take care of first? I know in my head that I must take care of myself before I can even begin to be a good mom. I will have more patience, compassion, and understanding for my child if I am well rested and happy myself. However, this is difficult to remember when faced with the pressures of being “the perfect mom” and whatever that means in our society.
One of the big “shoulds” a lot of mom’s still feel pressure about today is “you should stay home with your children when they are young.” Women have made a lot of progress in the working world since the 1950’s but I cannot believe how much working mothers are still judged. You would think that times have changed a lot now in our modern world. Sadly for a lot of people it is still not socially acceptable to be a working mother. A statement made to my husband by a coworker comes to mind. When we became parents this coworker asked my husband if I was quitting my job. My husband said no and this man immediately blurted out “What is the point of having kids if you are not going to raise them?” Ouch.
I always cringe when I hear someone proclaim they could never put their child in daycare because someone else would be “raising” their child. Working mothers and fathers ARE raising their own children. They are the ones getting them up and ready in the morning, they are the ones tucking them in at night, making decisions about their well being, doing family activities when they are not at work. When your child goes to school is the school then raising them and not you? No, of course you are still the parent and the one guiding them as they grow up.
On the other end of that spectrum, some working mom’s judge those who choose to stay home. Some SAHM’s feel judged that they are not doing “enough” with their life, or not focused on a “career.”
This week I have a should statement of my own: As women and mother’s we should never judge another’s decision that they have carefully made for their family. There are lots of reasons why mom’s and dad’s choose to work or not work when they have young kids. Parenting has enough challenges, we need to support each other and respect that we have made the best decision for our family.
I guess what I will try to remember is that the only opinion that matters is my daughter’s. When she is older I want her to look back on her childhood and say “I had great parents who made me feel loved and respected, and gave me every opportunity possible.”
What do YOU want your kids to say about you when they are older?
